Stories from Skid Row: The Christmas Story

Brought to you by Stories from Skid Row and a precious, little animated girl.
Can I be honest? Uh, when have I ever not been.

God tends to lay thoughts on my heart first thing upon waking each morning. Today was no exception. I heard and felt, "GIVE." It wasn't audible, no but it was heavy and clear and I knew more than I knew anything else today that giving was something I needed to do.

Being the me that I am, I didn't pick up my mail again and had to run to the post office to go get a stack THIS BIG. Thankfully, the lady at the post office handed it to me without judgement for my continued neglect of all things organization. I ran through letter after letter and ad after ad and catalogue after catalogue and came across a huge bill that I was not expecting.  THIS HUGE.

Kick in the gut. Especially during the holidays. Especially when you're in the middle of spending money on book marketing things of the book marketing sort.

I sat at the post office and wept. And not only wept but said to God, "I'm just about done. I've had it. I'm done."  How do you give when you have no money to give? 

And then, I saw this video. There's this sweet little girl with her long hair that makes me cry just thinking about how much she reminds me of me when I was her age. No, I didn't have the long locks til later in life but we share the same animation for all things Jesus and nativity sets. Wait til you see her throw gold and spray perfume. Your heart will melt.

She may not have a bill to pay. Her needs are much greater. She needs shelter and food and warm blankets and the love of people that say, "You matter!" Suddenly, this bill seems terribly insignificant.

Many, many of you have been hit hard with these financial times. And you're paying things and altering your life to live within your means instead of outside your means and I am walking right along side you. I know sometimes it is not easy. Today though. Simply today, remember it's much, much easier than this sweet little girl has it.

And yet in the midst she rejoices in a nativity scene and a promise.

Much love to you as we continue to learn from the very young and very wise,
Cole

Just Give.

Brought to you by crinkled sandwich bags.

No big lessons today.  And don't think I think I always know what I'm talking about.  I'm learning like everyone else just in a more wrinkled state than you. 

I drove back from an event meeting today and there was this sweet looking guy right around my baby brother's age sitting on the side of the freeway with his dog.  It was practically a country music video.

Stay with me.

And he had his sign and whether you agree with giving or not to someone with a sign is not something I care to discuss.  I'm talking about me and what my heart is called to do.   And my damn heart cannot go past someone with a sign or a need and not try or attempt to meet it.  I fail miserably at times.  I'm not the best meeter of needs but I want to be a better one.  So, guy with his sign is sitting there and has no judgement in his eyes and nothing about him is pleading for money.  Nope, he's just holding the sign.  And I look around my car and have not a dollar on me. 

Makes me sick. 

And then I look for a new water bottle or something to give him and there's nothing.

Even sicker-er-ish.

Ah.  There's that bag of change in the center console from when I was flat out broke and was living off change.  You know?  Some of you have been there when you're down to the baggie and a quarter is like a $50.00 bill.  Those times.  Well, I had the bag, rolled down my window and shamefully said, "I'm so sorry this is all I have."  He smiled as if I had just handed him keys to a mansion. 

I don't give so I can tell you.  I give because my heart is not okay unless I do. 

Later today someone commented on my earrings.  As I took them off to give them away, I realized I am at my best when I am giving and not taking.

Sometimes it's coins in worn baggies.  Sometimes it's earrings.  Sometimes they are very big things and sometimes they are very small things.  All I know is I am too old not to listen to my heart.

Give what you have.  And then give some more,
Cole

Lessons in Compassion Over Content

I suck.  I admit it.  I'm selfish and the world is all about me when it should be all about you, and you, and sometimes, yes, you.  And today was another example of me being the me I don't want to be.

I had lunch at Lola Gaspar in Downtown Santa Ana and went back to my car to check emails and hot, dirty texts (my favorite) and was running madly through the 32 emails that came through from the moment I tasted honeycomb butter with my tortilla til opening the car door when it happened.  It.  You know?  The moment when you realize you are a selfish bastard. 

I looked over not more than ten feet away and a homeless woman was going through a trash bin looking for things that a homeless person looks for to get through their day.  That.  That moment.  That visual should have been the first thing my eyes gravitated to when I arrived at my car.

It wasn't.  That makes me Friday sad and a little pre-sad for Tuesday.  With my limited Spanish which is even rockier when I feel like an ass, I asked her if she would like a jacket as I reached into the trunk of my car. 

She held the jacket up and asked, "Is this for woman?"  I smiled, nodded and realized even when you're homeless, especially when you're homeless you need to have choices when everything else seems so out of control.

Step away from the emails and the work and the head being buried in content over compassion every once in awhile.  I'd venture to say I already had my Friday Happy Hour.

Much love this fine Friday-day,

Cole

Sunday School and Pissing

Lessons Learned on a Mini LA Adventure
Courtesy of The Brazilian who made me so mad with his call today that I got in the car and headed....West!

1. Stop, breathe and watch. 
Today, I saw four little kids that were amazing.  They went into the restroom to wash up before lunch and had such a sense of the adults around them.  They said "pleases" and "thank yous" and helped each other reach the water and the soap and held the door for me when they didn't need to do that. 

Some kids are so in their head that they wouldn't dare think of another person.  Some adults are.  Sometimes I am.  I was terribly, terribly impressed.  Rather than rushing and wanting them to hurry through eights hand...I took a step back and just...watched.  It was lovely and sweet and a nice little on-my-way-to-LA moment.

2. Don't shame people.
Before I left Orange County, I stopped to put gas in the car and walked inside Chevron to get Evian.  (commence with eye rolling now.)  Screw you...I like the bottle.  Anyway, no one was behind the counter so I waited and then HE came out.  The customer service guy that was working on cleaning the bathroom.  With the cleaning-the-bathroom-gloves on.  Sure, those are the gloves he should be wearing and I'm so thankful he's doing his job and keeping the restroom nice and clean for customers.  Did he have to grab my pretty pink and white Evian water bottle with the bathroom cleaning gloved hand and ring it up?  I could have gone all gangsta on him.  I could have made him feel embarrassed for this BREACH in SERVICE!  What's the point?  He's a hard working man earning a living and simply doing his job.  And it's my job as a pre middle age woman to have an ounce of grace and simply smile, walk away nicely and tell him to have a good day. 

I left the Evian Toilet Water behind with the smile. 

3. A Line is Just a #$%@'n Line
I made it to Phillipe's in downtown LA for my favorite sandwich in the whole world.  And unfortunately, a new Metro line opened today that drops directly into my sandwich shop.  Damn. The lines are long.  You have two options.  You can stand in line and make friends or you can piss and moan.  The people behind me decided to piss and moan. 

I don't think they are having a lot of sex.

No one is out to get you.  The line didn't form to ruin your day.  The line didn't plan weeks in advance to make you Sunday Unhappy.  It's just a line.  A little itty bitty long ass line and sure, it sucks but you're going to be okay.  It's a sandwich after all.  If you really are in dire straights then maybe the line isn't for you.  So, don't go all CSI over who is moving to what line and "so and so cut in front and did you just see that???".  Let it happen.  It can be kinda organic.  Really.  It's a line with people and the people matter more than the #$%@'n line.  They do.

4. Nobody Wants to Piss Next to the Free Air/Water Machine
I was driving on the 10, my favorite freeway because I know all the bumps and grooves when all of a sudden I didn't know all of the bumps and grooves.  Having the panic brain of a single woman I naturally assumed: my car is going to explode all four tires in under 20 seconds.  I moved to the slow lane and exited near the Convention Center. 

A gas station?  A gas station?  Ahh....and I find one and check on the tires and one is a little low but not devastatingly low so I pull up next to the Free Air/Water Machine of which there are none in Orange County and start to fill 'er up. 

And it hits me...it smells like urine.  And I roll my eyes with a big Orange County eye roll and think about how much I love where I live in a big Orange County way.  And drive off.

Minutes later...it hits me.  No one wants to piss next to the Free Air/Water Machine.  Who wants to do that?  It's out of necessity that we do those things.  Sometimes it's out of survival.  And I'm instantly mad at my Orange County self for forgetting in a breath it could be me that is without a home, without somewhere to sleep and without somewhere to go to the restroom in private with a bit of dignity.

I'm a pre middle age idiot sometimes.  I'm glad I realize it sooner than later most times.

Lots of talk about about Chevron restrooms and urine on Evian bottles and washing hands in restrooms and pissing on streets, huh?  Sometimes Sunday School is like that.

Much love....Cole