Lessons in Details and Gratitude

Brought to you by a McDonald's large, not medium, Diet Coke.

It's Friday and the end of a very, ultra busy event week.  I have sore everything and things are throbbing that shouldn't throb.  On top of that, on a morning where I should bask in the glory of my amazingness, which is what I do the mornings after events, I had a press conference to stage.

*cursing under my breath and out of my bed which I did not want to get out of*

It's post press conference.  I park underground, come inside my apartment, kick off my heels and instantly feel grateful.  I mean grateful in the hugest way someone can feel grateful.  Grateful like empire state building or egyptian pyramid big grateful.  That grateful.  But it's for the little things.  The detail things.

Here's a couple I thought I'd share.

Feet free from four inch heels.  Large diet cokes when you normally get medium diet cokes - especially hot days with air conditionless cars.  Service managers that say, "I know others don't see but I see you - you have your eye on everything, Cole.  I see."  Sunglasses that shade harsh sun and brief frustrations.  Showing grace when I only want to show 'strangle'.  Home air conditioning set low and then lower again.  Mixing up all The Godfather movies to make my own synopsis.  Assistants that finish my sentences and understand my different head nods.  Men that remember.  Summers.  Being called a sexy, smart damsel in distress.  Working until my team stops working. Necklaces that turn into bracelets that turn into sometime belts. Tears that last three minutes instead of three days.  Sweaters.  Messy beachy hair.  Almost biting my nail but then not because things really are okay.  Little boys with summer tans that scrunch their noses when they answer you.  Girls that proclaim their favorite color is pink until their favorite color is green.  Oh, and nicknames.  I love a good nickname.

I like details.  I love the little things.  I'm enjoying this summer, this Can't Decide If I'm Going To Be Hot Or Cold Summer.  It's fickle.  I understand it.  It's sort of like a woman that way.  I get that.

Much love to you as you pay attention to the little details of your very big every days,
Cole

Lessons in Wills

Brought to you by the year 2003.    I wondered a bit on Twitter yesterday if Will would phone me from the airport as he headed out to Cairo.  You see, he always does that and normally the calls are full of him out of breath as he races for the check-in or sits down in his seat.  He generally runs late, Will does but he always, always phones me to say he's on the plane and to say goodbye and we have our chat about us.  That's just what we do, Will and I.

Things are changing though.  This trip to Cairo Will is getting married and not to me.  And you may wonder how my soul is resting with that.  I'll have to let you know Monday.  He's sending me the feed so I can watch him take his vows live.  A little twisted watching the former, first love of my life get married to someone else?  No, not at all.  When you love someone from the gut and know they aren't for you and that they are for someone else, you even want to be there for the big moments even if the big moments aren't for you. 

So my phone rings and it's Will and it's the last call he's going to make to me as "us".  You know...I'm not going to be first or even second probably not third on his phone anymore.  I'm sure I haven't been for sometime.  Still, he makes the call and it goes something like this:

Cole:  Are you on the plane?

Will: Seat 29. (Will is a nano engineer and likes to get to the point)

Cole: Really? You called.  You did.

Will:  Seat 29.  I told you.

Cole: What if I told you I loved you.  Would you change your mind?

Will:  Come on.  First of all, you're not in love with me.  Second, you're still a lion and the only benefit to marrying you is having white babies.  Maybe I should marry you.  (Will is Egyptian and desperately wants white babies)

Cole: What time is the ceremony?

Will: I'll send you the link.  You can watch it live.  I'll even wave goodbye to you.  (brutal, he is)

Cole: I love you. I love you.  I love you.  You gave me the best of everything.

Will:  Stop it.  I'm not dying.  Not til I marry this one anyway.  Then you two can fight over who speaks at my funeral.  No, Habibti, you gave me the best, first six years in America I could imagine.  I love you.  I'm going to bring The Wife (that's what we call her) to California and she's going to like you.  I'm going to make her like you.

I walked back inside my office and Miss Chloe, my assistant asked if I was okay.  With tears in my eyes, the only thought I can muster is I feel sentimental.  Not sad, not depressed, not regretful...full of memories and adoration for a man that helped raise me into a full pre middle age woman. 

I do less stomping of my feet because of you, Habibi.  I am calmer because of you.  I've been to places I never would have seen and met people I never would have met.  And learned a language that some see as so harsh but I hear such beauty in.  You opened my heart to another world and gave me a million memories that I'll paper someday. 

For now my heart is grateful, so grateful, for an airplane call.

Cole

Cole's 38 Mitzvah Project: Turned 40!

Brought to you by....you and your brilliant levels of generosity.


The Project continues through the weekend.  Here's the link if you want to read more and participate Cole's 38 Mitzvah Project


Here's what you had to say:

1. Took an extra day for a coworker that had to leave early.
2. Paid for a slurpee the kid behind me in line was going to buy.
3. I paid for the guy behind me at the drive thru at McDonald's the other day.  (don't judge it's my once a week brekky treat)  Brekky being Aussie...we went international, baby!
4. Donated a car.
5. Head of security for a company that is generally mean decided to be nice for one day.  Only one.
6. I forgave a friend who said really hurtful things to me when intoxicated one night.
7. I'm making a meal for my friend who just had a baby.
8. I'm bringing soup and movies to my friend who is bedridden after surgery.
9. I'm making several meals-to-freeze for a friend who is having a baby tomorrow, as well as going over there to do chores next weekend.
10. I'm helping out a teacher friend who is switching classrooms - so much stuff to move in a short amount of time.
11. I bought groceries for a family in need.
12. Making dinner for my sisters family tonight.
13. Helped a lost little boy.
14. Bought a special set of cookie cutters that a family really wanted but couldn't afford and shipped to them.
15. Purchased a significant item for someone to start their business.
16. Let Cole go without a ticket since it was her birthday: Newport Beach Police Department.  (My new favorite police department...this week anyway)
17. I decided some money I had set aside was better spent on someone else's need.  So I decided to help that person.
18. I did something for someone unto you (and Jesus) today..and think the dude was blown away.  Thanks for the idea!
19. I gifted in honor of you today.
20. Handing out lottery tickets randomly today. Happy birthday weekend to @PreMiddleAge for suggesting random acts of kindness. :)
21. Let someone cut in line after waiting 30 minutes which meant I would wait another 30 minutes.
22. Bought breakfast for someone and didn't wait for a thank you.
23. My mitzvah in your honor - I donated $5 in your name to Skip1.org. I skipped a latte for you and donated that money to help underprivileged children in a 3rd world country.
24. Happy Birthday!!! I did cover a coffee for an older gent behind me today at Bucks.  May your evening be wonder-filled and janky-free.
25. Happy Birthday Cousin! Bought the men at the hockey game water in your honor. They're grown ups now so they don't have their mommies reminding them to bring their water bottles. Hope you have had a great day!
26. We brought cookies to a friend who is home on maternity bedrest.
27. I gave money anonymously to a guy who lost his home in a flood here in Texas last week.
28. I bought my sister a refrigerator.
29. I give Gatorade to homeless people.
30. I gave money to a kid going overseas as a missionary.
31. I donated to a charity bike ride by driving my truck doing SAG support for a bike ride instead of participating in order to give back to the cycling community that I have enjoyed.
32. I volunteered at a Women's triathlon (which I admittedly considered a form of speed-dating). (27-32 all being the same gent.  sexy, huh?)
33. Tonight at (a) restaurant I paid for everyone's dinner in honor of your 38 Mitzvahs.
34. A tired mom at target forgot to pay for the wipes in the bottom of her cart.  I added them to my order.  She hugged me saying, "No one is kind!"  That is both the sweetest and saddest thing to hear someone say.
35. Bought lunch for three women that, for various reasons, couldn't be with their dads on Father's Day.
36. Bought a Sprinkles cupcake for a lady in line who was about to meltdown from the wait.  She proceeded to tell me how she helps "The Mexicans", not realizing "A Mexican" bought her an effin cupcake.
37. Someone liked my necklace and I told them to stop by my house and pick up the other one I bought.  Someone else liked it, too, so we went to the store and bought another one. 
38. Gave a grip of drinks to a family sitting at the beach that didn't have any. 
39. Gave a gift card to a woman that couldn't stand me.
40. I forgave my ex-husband for being himself. This was a real milestone that I have been working on for years. your note reminded me that forgiveness is Not a Feeling, it is a Choice. Thanks Cole.

Beautiful ways you have shown love to people. 

Much love from a very warmed birthday almost forty year old but not quite forty year old heart,
Cole

38 Mitzvahs: Cole's Birthday Project

Brought to you by the numbers: 1, 16, 37 15/16 and almost forty!

It’s that time. That time when I turn another year closer to middle age but remain pre middle age. There are more wrinkles. More lessons. More bruises. Certainly more age spots. And for those of you that attempt to call them freckles, they aren’t. They are the same ones my Mamma had. Admit it.

I love it all because it means I’ve another year under my belt in being humbled and humiliated and humored. Another year of lessons and love and life. Another year of learning and listening. Another year of setting down stones instead of throwing them.

Growing up sucks sometimes but if it means when I’m 83 I’ll finally be nice and graceful and kind and perhaps a bit wise, well, then, what the hell…I’m in.

THE PROJECT.
Rather than getting presents, I’m requesting and challenging you to perform ONE MITZVAH, one act of kindness, by June 16 in honor of my birthday. My goal is for 38 acts of kindness to be performed. Really, I’m hoping for many more but I like themes. (I’m an event planner.)

Some things people did last year for our project:
Bought a homeless woman breakfast. Put an extra special snack in their kids lunch. Babysat for a couple so they could go out. Gave money to a charity. Bought coffee at Starbucks for strangers. Paid an elderly couples dinner tab anonymously. Forgave. Asked forgiveness.

Join me? Forward this link to your friends? Giving everyday is beautiful but if you’d give for my birthday that would really bless me and bless someone else and probably bless you, too.  Share and we’ll post what happens from Twitter, My Blog and Facebook.

Much love from an almost forty year old
(37 15/16 sounds so much better),
Cole

Lessons in Towing and Orgasms

Brought to you by Abdul who also had his car (Range Rover his father bought him) towed.

First of all, never tweet @SvenJohnston and let him know you hope to have more car stories for him soon.  I consider this partially his fault.

Well, and then The Boy gets blame for some of it, too.  I parked the Prius and came inside to change for the evening.  Was planning to go shopping and maybe see a movie or something.  I went into the bedroom and The Boy was on my mind.  I did it.  You know.  It.  Twice.  And really well.  I mean not as well as, well, with..you know, but, good enough to make me lay down for a moment exhausted and not realize that my freaking Prius was outside being towed....

...Mid-Orgasm.

There is something so completely wrong about that.  And so right. Tonight's orgasm cost me $265.00.  Well $265.00 if I can pick it up by 11:59pm. 

Some lessons learned.

1. Yelling in the space where towed car once was will not make it suddenly appear.  Neither will scowling.

2. Today's  event finds in Abbot Kinney make up for tonight.   Think on the good things.  Sometimes there's only a few.  Sometimes only one.  Sometimes only a half.    
3. If you are a person that tends to have car traumas then create an emergency kit.  Include in it: Diet Coke, BBQ Chips, mandm's and one person that will come get your ass in under 10 minutes.
4. Towing of cars is not really a disaster.  Disasters are disasters. 
5. Be kind to the guy who has your car on lockdown.  He gets treated really poorly all the time.  Try to bring out the soft spots in his heart.  Or, just make sure your car gets back to the 'free' side of the gate before you threaten him bodily harm.  I, for one, was very sweet even when he had to pry the debit card from my death grip.
6. For God's sake, keep your phone charged.  There are pictures to take of these moments.
7. When the opportunity arises, practice your Arabic.  I mean, don't ignore people.  The UAE Boys were waiting there in pain with me.  And I don't know if their tow was a result of orgasms or not but in either case, just get to know people.  I used the little Arabic I have and they used their sweet English and we made the most of our waiting.

8. Whatever you do, don't park your car in the Tow and Mo lot. They will even tow you there. Right over the damn fence. Brutal. 
9. Count the stars.  I walked outside to wait my turn for my car.  All of a sudden I heard crickets.  Beautiful almost summer crickets.  And looking up there was a star but not just one, twenty and probably many more if I kept looking and counting.  So many things to see if you get outside your head.  I decided not to focus on what I was losing (money, time, an evening out) but what the night let me gain and it was beautiful.  Really beautiful.
10. Oh, and I guess park underground just in case you're feeling randy. But how do you know til you know. (Geez.)

A very starry, almost summer, cricket-filled love,
Cole

Lessons in Road Trips

Brought to you by the 101, Sheryl Crow, Natalie Merchant and, well, yes....cupcakes.  (one)

I had an urgent need to rent a car and head north this weekend. Something in my brain and in my heart is feeling full of uncertainty in nearly every area of my life and the only thing that made sense was to drive.

I learned a couple things along the way. Well, you knew that, didn’t you? *smile*

1. The guy behind the counter has big dreams.
My car is janky, that has been made clear by now and the need for me to rent something less-janky was apparent. I went to Enterprise and ended up with a sweet ride at a sweet deal. More importantly, Enterprise Guy Behind The Counter Reading Kurt Vonnegut surprised me. Not only was he kind, major Enterprise Shocker but he spilled his guts, “This isn’t what I want to be doing.”

How many can echo that statement?

He’s a writer and he doesn’t know what to do and it sounds like no one believes in him. Well, I do. And I did. And I gave him some very good tips wrapped in a very good cheer and went on my way. He walked back behind the counter in his black suit with an extra creative skip in his step.

2. Stop for blueberries.
When you see a sign that says, “Blueberries Ahead ¾ of a mile” you stop. You do. And stop for other such things. Make hard rights instead of staying on the path and on your itinerary. If blueberries present themselves, well, then blueberries shall be.

3. Ask your expert advisor.
I have finally learned to rely on my expert advisors especially when it comes to bakeries. They know things, those bakery girls. Ask them what people order the most and get that. Don’t get the other thing. And definitely don’t get the thing you ALWAYS order. That’s the last thing you want to do on a road trip. Blah.

Oh, and buy sweet orange marmalade with pretty pink labels because it would be a crime not to. (I love pink bakery boxes with tape on the side and the ones tied with string make me want to swoon.)

4. A mess is okay.
Yesterday I played Natalie Merchant most of the day while driving and although I adore her if I heard, “If no one ever marries me” one more time I was going to drive my car into The Pacific and keep my seatbelt on. I switched things up to Sheryl Crow today and she had a nice, really multicultural mix going on and that set well with my soul. And one song, whether you agree with the message or not, had a great line, “God bless this mess.”

God bless this mess. That’s me. That’s my life right about now. It’s a little messy. I’m a bit out of sorts. That’s what all the driving is about and needing to move and think and sing and write and put things into compartments when they are floating around loosely in my head. I don’t like things floating around loosely in my head. It hurts.

I pulled over on the side of the road and messaged a new sweet friend who made the comment, “It’s okay” after discussing some of her very not okay things. Sometimes it’s not okay and sometimes it’s a mess and that is okay and a mess is okay and trying to make it not a mess makes it even messier.

For now, I’m going to rest in the mess of it all.

5. Find pockets of prettiness.
They are out there and they are so close to you and you don’t even know it. Mere miles away and I finally made it to Abbot Kinney in downtown Venice. I always thought Venice was full of naked jugglers on the beach and so I wasn’t in much of a rush to visit. There’s more to it. Yup. Pockets of prettiness are all over the place if you take the time to search them out and get outside of your routine.

I finally found somewhere to park and was immersed in gorgeous shops, great food trucks just parked along the street and the kindest shop owners that didn’t treat me like I was an Orange County Jackass. I like that.

Oh, if you go, make sure you wear some shade of blah. Much easier to fit in if fitting in is what you want to do. (It’s my new favorite place. Shh.)

A couple more things for the road.

1. That girl you saw in the Oliver Peoples in a gray tshirt and striped sweater rolling down her window and talking, well, yelling, to the ocean? That wasn’t me.

2. Found a shop that treats you well and is kind to you when you walk in the door? Frequent it. I found one that had all these imports from Paris and every corner turned there were more pieces and parts and pretty things to see and touch and explore and sometimes I forget that there is that much pretty out there. There is.

3. The woman behind the ticket counter at the Santa Barbara Museum of Art asked if I needed a student admission. I think everyone should go there all the time. Forever.

4. There are a lot of crazies in Santa Barbara. I fit right in.

5. There are a couple more crazies in Venice but less so, I’d say it’s more about The Pot. Everyone’s rather, ehem, happy and relaxed and really take their time crossing the street.

6. If you drive to Solvang and remember it looks just like it did 15 years ago, make a u-turn.

7. Dosas (Indian crepes) are good. So are cupcakes off trucks. So are baked goods on State St. Before I came home, I bought a new scale. No, really I did.

I have to turn the rental car back in today.  I have to turn the weekend back in today also.  It's back to normal playlists and office meetings and corporate attire with "no embellishments" and certainly "no colored jewelry" and things of that sort.

I'll wait for another weekend and perhaps go on another adventure and head in another direction and even if the arrow points in one direction I might go another.  It all depends where the blueberries are planted.

Much love this Messy Monday,
Cole

The Twang Invasion

Brought to you by The South.

If you walk by my apartment anytime in the next four to five days, expect to hear yelling and arguments and probably some screaming and the way you'll know you are at the right place?  The Twang.

See, it takes over all of us at some point during the weekend.  Some of us are from the south and some of us have daddies from the south.  Not "daddies".  Daddies.  Dirty Bird, You.

Just prepping for this trip, I can feel the twang starting to form in my throat.  So, yes, expect y'alls and things of that sort.

And so you don't feel left out, I'll let you know who'll be in town.

Miss Larkin.  The ringleader.  Itinerary driven.  Claims to be breezy but...well, isn't.  Always has to fly here because none of us are sure where Arkansas is.

Ally "Red".  Lives in Canada.  Is the only woman we know that will rock a bikini on a public street without covering her ass.  Has two adorable boys.  One she kisses sweet and one she kisses very bad.

Miss Aimee. Our newest hot momma. This was Aimee last time we were all together.  Baby Gavin is now viewing Orange County from the outside with his gorgeous momma and dad.  Aimee is the calm to our storm.

Stacia Rae.  Stacia has over 1,000 pictures to choose from but I think this defines her.  Sassy but sweet at the same time.  She should have a tip jar in front of her everywhere she goes.  Terribly entertaining.

D "Sissy".  Our outings tend to be costly to Davina.  Running out of gas and getting towed and all things Car Trauma.  We are crossing all available parts for good car results this time. 

Miss Blue.  Guest appearances by Chris this weekend as time permits.  (See five children.  Further comments needed?  I think not.)





And me.  You have enough pictures of me.  Don't think I won't take a million more this weekend, y'all.

Much love,
Cole

Lessons in Shorts: Short Films, Short Stories and Brief Bursts of Loneliness

Brought to you by all things brief.

You should have seen me. I was sitting there, at The Getty, in a corner of this gorgeous patio area tucked as far back as I could tuck, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It wasn’t the way I imagined things. Nope.

You might think I have this adventuring alone thing all figured out. I don’t. Most of the time, I enjoy it tremendously. Most of the time. Saturday, I didn’t at all.

Nope, again.

The nice thing about loneliness is it is short. It’s a feeling and it goes away. And I have an option to sit in it all moping and lost in my PB&J or break free from it by talking to someone at the next table or watching people or just breathing and enjoying the loveliest view.

I didn’t.  I almost had the welling-of-the-tears in my eyes. But my loneliness was short lived. Sitting there with that sandwich The Boyfriend texted, “Miss you.” I sighed that huge heavy sigh when you feel the heart full of being wanted and missed and replied, “I needed that. Feeling a bit lonely. Not so brave today. Miss you.”

Wrapping up my sandwich and finishing my soda and watching all the pairs of people, I picked up my bag and headed into The East Pavilion.

da Vinci helps.  So does Degas.  So does a text telling you you're missed.  That is the best form of art. 

I suppose it was a bit of a theme this week.  Shorts and all.  Short bursts of loneliness and short films at Newport Beach Film Festival and Selected Shorts at The Getty.  I'm liking the briefness of it all. 

Some Short Lessons

Know Your Audience
You know that leftover sinus cough that takes seven years to go away? It should be named after me. If you’re going to cough during a film festival screening, make sure your cough sounds ultra educated and cultured. If there’s any trucker-side-of-the-roadness to it, they will kick your ass.

Partner in Grief
A Shine of Rainbows has so many beautiful, sweet lessons but my heart was tugged by grief and how it shortens when you allow others to experience it with you.

You Can Leave
Yes, you can. If you don’t like a movie, you can quietly leave. Perhaps during a film screening it’s not the best time but if you’re at the theatre and see something that doesn’t impress you, then simply walk out gracefully. Don’t waste another minute in a moment that does not feed your brain or your heart or your innards. Especially your innards.

Hellos Help
I was Friend Dumped twice this weekend. Drinks Friday night and a little outing Saturday. Looking back, it was exactly as it should be and allowed me to experience the painful quiet of not engaging with people. In the middle of Friday night tears, it hit me how many footsteps walk past a homeless man every single day without even a head nod in his direction. That pains me in deep ways. How long must his day be without the engagement of even a stranger.

Fit People In
The Getty did a program of Selected Shorts and one of the stories was, "Things We Knew When the House Caught Fire" by David Drury, read by Keith Szarabajka. Drury’s short delves into a family that completely doesn’t fit into a neighborhood and the neighborhood's attempt to get them out.

We will spend our lives trying to be in and accepted and chosen and picked and on THAT team. How much easier to fit people in ahead of time and not make them do cartwheels to be our friends or fit in our neighborhoods or be part of our group. It’s a quick decision to embrace rather than disgrace people.

My days don't always turn out the way I plan them but they turn out so much better and I'm committed at this ripe old Pre Middle Age to listen and learn and, most importantly, love.

A good night to you but just a short one.  It's late. 
Cole

Lessons From Mom

Brought to you by the number 8.

My mother died on April 22, 2001.   The first year it stung all the time.  The second year it stung on certain days and most major holidays.  Mother's Day was a bitch.  I remember standing in the kitchen while baking a cake and thinking how absurd it was that I was celebrating this holiday when my mom was dead.  After that, it was certain smells, certain sounds and certain memories.  I'm grateful that the passing of time makes great grief less great. 

I didn't know that the first year.  I wish someone had shown me the grief playbook. 

Nine years later.  Today.  And the morning is not full of sobs but laughter with friends.  And work and life and emails and texts and plans for the weekend and all the sorts of things a Thursday should have in it because it's, well, a Thursday and that's what Thursdays do. 

And even though it's a Thursday and not a THURSDAY.  And even though it's the 22nd and not THE 22ND, it still feels right to share some things I learned along the way from my mom.

1. No shortcuts.
As soon as my mom died, I had a really quick sweet dream.  My mom was leaning against a tree and we reached out to say goodbye to each other.  She started to walk down a long path inside a gate and I went to take, yup, a shortcut.  She looked back and pointed in her direction.  I knew then the road would be long but worth it.  I knew taking the easy way wouldn't be any longer.

2. Give when no one is looking.
My mother was a master at this.  She would put a young Latino kid through the fire academy rather than invest in a new car for herself.  She clothed people without fanfare.  She fed them and listened to them and prayed for them and loved them.  And she gave when she was sure no one was looking.

3. Find your sea.
I go to museums because my mother took me to them.  And she went to the sea because her father took her there.  There are many reasons we find our "place" but whatever you do, find it.  Go to it.  Make it your place and make it a refuge.

4. Have Yes Days
We were little, my brother and I, and my mother took us on a Yes Day.  It went horrible.  We went camping at the beach and locked the keys in the trunk of the car and it was not our greatest adventure, but still, it was an adventure.  And, the fact that it stands out to this day, there's something very YES about that.

5. Have a carnival in your backyard.
Rio Lempa Drive in Hacienda Heights was THE place to live.  My mother was a teacher and a really creative one and threw a bad ass carnival which probably speaks to me being an event director now.  So, this carnival had booths and games and I wish I was older and could remember more of it.  I do know that my best friend Audra Dial wore a dress and I had on jeans and wanted to go inside and change but was so glad I didn't since I ended up sliding down the dirt hill at the end of the day. 

Remember, I like being with the boys. 

The point is.  You can do things small or you can have a carnival in your backyard.  Live really big like that, you know? 

6. Something physical.  Something artistic.  Something educational.  Something cultural.
That was the rule.  And I'm not sure she spelled it out as clearly as that all the time but that was the deal.  We had to play an instrument and if we didn't do that then we had to participate in a performing art of some sort.  And the grades had to kick ass.  And then there had to be a sport.  And she brought in the cultural piece on the side with trips and music and such.  I am balanced in my want of these things today because of my mom.

God.  She was pretty cool, huh?

7. Write.  Draw.  Sing.  Act. 
Dance, Little Girl.  And sing, Darling Girl.  And Direct, Sweet Boy.  If these are your dreams then...do them!  My mother was a writer, a very quiet one.  And maybe she never wanted to do anything big with her words but still, she wrote anyway.  A piece for you, well, for us but for you.

November 1984 (written in my Spanish class, recalling the morning)

Mis Ninos -

You are my celebration,

In the early hours

Of my morning

I see you sleeping -

   And I hear a song.

For every day is a gift

And I will

Sound a quiet bell

Light a single candle

And thank my Lord

That you are safe

   And you are here.

-Michele Esperon-Harmonson

Much love to you this April 22, this very sweet April 22,
My mom's daughter

Lessons in Baseball

Brought to you by Milo the Party Bus Limo Shuttle Driver Guy. 

It was a really busy week.  I mentioned that didn't I?  Almost flat tire earlier in the week, huge party that was supposed to be a SORT OF huge party on Wednesday and then this weekend was The Experience.  See, I'm an event director and you know that but sometimes we don't just have parties on site but we take residents off site for little, yah, experiences. 

It's not that terrible of a job to get to go to a Dodger Game, is it?

A couple lessons learned on the third base side:

1. If you tell people to use the restroom before they get on the party bus, they won't. 

2. There's a Chevron off the 5 freeway at Washington with a nice bathroom. 

Eight people can use it really fast.  It helps when you say firmly, "go directly to the restroom, make no purchases, you have four minutes and no more beer until we get to the damn game!"

3. Don't let the obvious stun you. 

It stuns me that a bathroom break is needed from Orange County to Downtown LA.  It shouldn't.  I'll regret saying this once my bladder starts to weaken, won't I?

4. Know your limit.

If you drink so many cans of beer that you get lost in the parking lot, that's too many.

5. There is right and there is wrong.

Doing The Wave has never been, isn't and will never be appropriate.  Snarky Brother with a strong finger point says, "It distracts from the game."  I agree.

6. There is wronger.

See number 5 for beachballs.

7. First everythings are important.

First games are important.  Capture them in picture.  Zed went to his first Dodger game today and was decked out in blue and his parents were Dodger Proud.  They couldn't stop taking pictures and that's exactly how it should be when your baby has a first.  And even if you're a grown up, all pre middle age and all, and having some firsts of your own, you don't have to stop taking pictures either.  Nope, you don't.

8. Having "texters" helps open the closed doors. 

This morning The Boyfriend texted to say good morning and to remind me to wear sunscreen.  I didn't.  I'm rebellious like that.  And Snarky Brother texted to tell me to dress in cool clothing.  As if anything I'd wear wouldn't be cool.  Oh, you know...weather and all.  And having men in my life that give a damn is so damn cool and opens the heart in such an easy way.  Sigh.  I like that very much.  Almost enough to listen to them. 

9. Wait for your pitch. 

Bottom of the eighth and down 1-0.  And then Manny Ramirez comes up to the plate.  And two strikes and he's not freaking out.  Cause you know if it was me and it was the bottom of the eighth inning and all the pressure was on me and I had two strikes I'd be sweating.  No.  He waits for his pitch and it's a homerun and the score is now 2-1.  And we win.  You don't have to play at anyone else's pace.  You can keep your own and you know the pitch that is for you and the one that isn't.  And don't let anyone talk you into swinging at a ball.  You are too smart for that.

10. Work in your passion.

We were walking out of the stadium tonight and I was rounding everyone up and having to use a bit of a mom/julie the cruise director voice when someone said, "I could never do your job!"  You aren't supposed to.  You're supposed to do your job and I'm supposed to do mine and when we're both working in our passions they don't really feel like jobs, do they?  I had the best time today even reminding grown ass adults, "make sure you use the restroom before getting on the shuttle (and drinking another 18 beers)!"

11. Listen

Milo The Party Shuttle Limo Bus Driver had much to say this afternoon.  I happened to be the lucky listener sitting in the front next to him. Now, I'm sure he would have stayed quiet if I had asked but he wanted to talk about travel and history and art and all the things I love so it was fine.  Sometimes, listen.  Don't talk.  Listen.  He didn't really ask anything of me and I could have been anyone really but I nodded and reacted and that made him happy.  All people need sometimes is your ear.  Both of them is even better. 

I came to pick up the tickets for today's game earlier in the week and stopped just beneath the stairs where I once walked with my Pop.  I still remember the ash from his cigarette hitting my arm in a way that wasn't really serious just a memory.  I looked up the stairs and although my Pop is long since gone, all those memories were and still are on those stairs.  Sure, maybe they belong in some stronger form to my brothers since they went to so many more games but I have my firsts, too.  And I'm making new firsts.  Finding new places sometimes and finding old places again in new ways.  And in many ways realizing I weave them together as best I can.  I like the old and the new and don't much plan on choosing one over the other. 

Much love from Chavez Ravine,

Cole

Lessons in a Village

I should have known this morning when my power steering was out...again!  It wasn't the power steering at all.  It was my flat front tire that I drove, oh, shall we say, miles and miles and miles on all day long?  That one.

And then it happened.  I pulled up at Smart and Final to stock up on booze (for a party, hold the judgement) and this lady gave me the dirtiest Orange County look I'd seen since, umm, yesterday.  I rolled down my window to give her one back.  Okay, I didn't.  I rolled down my window to ask what her problem was and she said, "Your tire has like THIS MUCH air in it!"

THIS MUCH meant not so much.  Emphasis on the lower case. 

I drove to Chevron and put air in it as two men watched me.  Ahh, gentlemen.  You must not have sisters or internal organs...that beat.  And then I started madly looking for some auto garage that would still be open at 7:30 at night.

There aren't many in Orange County in case you were wondering. 

I drove halfway to Walmart and then realized it was closed and then called around for the nearest Pep Boys and it was one street over which would have been so easy if I was not a complete moron with directions.  Translation: I ended up back on the freeway headed south when I should have gone north and wasted more of the precious air in my flattening tire.

Grrr.

I learned something this evening.  It takes a village to raise me.  Well, it takes a village for me to get a flat tire unflattened, fixed, normalized, drive worthy. 

Tonight's Village

Walmart Lady That Hung Up On Me

She meant well, really she did.  I called to see if their service department was open and she didn't tell me just transferred me.  I called back one more time and asked in my "firm voice".  She apologized and said they closed 10 minutes ago.

Miss Chloe

I was supposed to be at Taco Tuesday tonight but have an assistant who does amazing play by play via text.  Miss Chloe stayed at the event therefore allowing me to deal with the tire.  I love text.  I hear the event was "omg awesome".

Pep Boys

My heroes.  They took the car.  They found her in urgent need of repair.  They fixed her.  I'm in auto store love with this place. 

Mimi's Cafe

I had to kill time while the car was being fixed and had three choices: Mimi's Cafe, Jack in the Box or stop by the liquor store which happens to be the one that guy owns that held me captive that one night.  Mimi's it is.  The host called me Miss.  I loved him.  My server called me ma'am.  Seven times.  I don't love him. I don't love him at all.  Not even a little.  And he has the worst hair anyone in the world has ever had, well except for that one guy that used to work at WFS that got the plugs and needed the desk fan cause he sweat so much.  Still, I don't love him at all. 

People, Twitter People

You.  You followed along on my adventure.  You commented.  You made snarky remarks and you laughed and you told me other places nearby to eat dinner.  And what that really means is that you, dear friends, cared.  Whether you live close or far, you cared and that is just huge in the hugest way something can be huge. 

The Boy

I didn't need to text him a big, "Help!"  I was okay.  I had someone tell me the tire was flat.  I had someone to fix it.  I had somewhere to go to eat dinner.  I had people to chat with while I waited.  And when I came home he texted after reading the whole adventure, "Oh, baby.  Just seeing car drama.  Wish I could fix.  Sending kisses to my independent super girl."

And that's what I needed as soon as I got home.  I needed, I wanted to be loved on. 

You, you are my community.  All of you.  And sometimes I know you and sometimes you are strangers and sometimes I adore you and sometimes I think you are giving me dirty looks when really, really you are helping me. 

It took a village to raise me tonight.  Huh?  This independent super girl can do much on her own but loves having you all along for the journey. 

Putting my cape away for the night,

Cole

Lessons in Filters

Sitting at Nordstrom Café the other day waiting for my lunch and there is a family of three waiting for their meal. It’s a mom and a grandma and a daughter and the daughter is wearing pink. Of course she is, she’s the daughter and she’s about seven and that’s what seven year old daughters and granddaughters do.

They wear pink.

I wish we could wear more pink. I’m gonna wear more pink. I’ll be the one in Irvine wearing pink this weekend.

So, Sweet Little Girl is sitting there and her grandma starts caressing her long brown locks and SLG SHOUTS out, “you could do that all day because that feels so good and I like that.”

Rare. The SLG Brain is. It says what it feels and what it doesn’t feel and what it likes and what it doesn’t like and shares and gives and shouts and wants and has pleasure and pain and just, well, experiences.

I miss The SLG Brain in all its excess and unfilteredness. I despise having to say all the proper things and the right things and the yes things and the no things and the things people want to hear instead of the things I want to tell them or the things that are deep inside my brain.

Like, “Oh, you could do that all day because that feels good and I like that.”

Or, “I need you.”

Or, “please be my friend because I think you would be a great friend and I promise not to be atrocious on Tuesdays and most Thursdays and only on Fridays.”

Sweet Little Girl Brain. Sweet most of the time. Sharp nearly all of the time. Unfiltered excessively always in the best way.

Much love,
Cole

Lessons in Art, Adventure, Earthquakes and Eggs

Brought to you by today's 6.9 earthquake which I did not feel on the 405 freeway.  Thank you, Already Fragile Road.

It is Easter Weekend and for some of you that means new dresses and lots of Honey Baked Ham and definitely family and probably family fights if not family tension.  Well, for me, it's Adventure Weekend.  Time to say yes to things and not no to things and see what the weekend holds.  And hopefully, by the end of Sunday, I'll learn a few things that will make me less annoying and a bit cooler. 


1.  An hour at a museum is a massage. 
Well, it might not be a museum that "massages" you and I'm sort of hoping it's not some lady in Garden Grove that takes her robe off before she starts the clock.  What I mean is an hour of creative time is like a massage and will do wonders for your brain and your body.  It might not have a happy ending, well not the kind you're thinking of.  Dirty Bird, You.


2. Driving to and from places is part of The Adventure. 

Remember when mom and dad, umm, when they weren't fighting about taxes or who dad talked to at THAT party or something like that, umm...okay, let's start over.  Remember when mom and dad would tell you to look out the window when you were driving to and fro on vacation and you would see that tall thing that people called ....a tree?  That is part of the adventure.  And even if you're only going from one city or county to the next, you can still look at all the signs and watch the people and slow down at the lights and maybe even pull over and take a couple pictures or write some notes about some interesting colors you see.  See?  I did that today and ran straight into The LA Public Library.  My mom and dad fell in love (and war) in a few places throughout southern california.  The LA Public Library was one and Balboa Beach was another.  And me, just driving slow enough and paying attention enough to cross the street and run into it and stop and notice a couple taking pictures in that very "in love and girl rolling her eyes at her lover" state, well, it was exactly  the way the library should be. 

3. Don't roll your damn eyes at your lover.
Just.  Don't.  You love them.  Get it?  I saw Library Girl standing in front and she looked so hip and her guy was taking her photo and you could tell he was enjoying taking it and she kept eye rolling.  One day, she's going to regret the eye rolls and long for the time when a man that loved her wanted to take her photo.  I know it's a holiday and all, but...Dumb Ass.  That's all.

4. Check your foundation every once in awhile.  Just in case.
So, yah, we had a big earthquake today and if you're not from California you probably cried and that's okay.  We won't judge you. If you're from Callifornia then you froze for a brief moment, assessed the quake and kept Facebooking.  You're cool like that.  I was in downtown la when it happened and noticed a grip of LAFD trucks all over the place and realized they were quickly doing structural checks on some of the buildings.  Sure, maybe everything was okay but still, just check.  And you?  Maybe everything in your relationships, your friendships, your work is okay, but check your foundation in each every once in awhile.  Just to be sure.  Just in case.  You're cool like that.

5. You cannot help what draws you.
Walk into a room.  Just walk. And you'll see it.  It's the one piece that stands out more than the others.  And sure, you could follow in order and go number by number or be one of those sick "tour" people that like structure and do everything by the books and how others tell you to.   You're not everyone else.  You walk into a room and you see what attracts you and you go to it instantly and there is not a thing you can do but enjoy it. 

6. Not every piece is for you. 
Take Lichtenstein for example.  He gives me seizures if I look at his work for more than 34 seconds.  I love the ideas but it's not for me.  And I'm over the idea that I have to look at every single piece and act as if it interests me beyond measure and appear ABSORBED in it.  I'm not absorbed in each piece of art just like I'm not absorbed in each story I read or design I see or song I hear.  Oh, but the ones that get me, now that's a whole different type of seizure.  My brain short circuits in the best way. 

7. The literal insults me in art and feeds me in relationships. 
I'm a little complicated.  I know.  It's been a couple weeks of figuring this out with art but I have trouble with photos that are too clear in their stories or paintings that leave too little to my imagination.  I want a chance to intrepret something for me and my story and for a painting to speak to my heart.  I'm a little selfish that way. 

Don't you dare try that with a relationship.  I need "just the facts."  If you like my ass, tell me.  If you don't, tell me that, too.  (as if......)  If I'm acting like a spoiled brat, tell me.  Be clear.  No ambiguity.  Nothing Rothko about relationships. 

A couple extra weekend lessons for your first full week of April.  Pay attention, Darlings.
1. It is not possible to ever get enough eggs for an egg hunt.  It just isn't. Embrace that.
2. Little Benjamin gave Jordan all his eggs. Jordan gave them all to Ramteen.  Love is fickle.  Age doesn't matter.
3. If you see a woman putting oil in her car or air in her tires and you have a penis, help her to avoid hell.
4. When your girlfriend tells you, with tone, over Moroccan salad that you need to support your boyfriend.  "Support your boyfriend".  And chill.  They know things, Salad Eating Know It All Girlfriends.
5. Talk to people in line.  I wouldn't say annoy them but if they engage you, then engage them.  You might meet some very interesting, giving people and organizations. Orangewood Children's Foundation 
6. There are neat little nooks if you go around the back of tourist spots.  Find them.  Walt Disney Concert Hall
7. Notice who checks on you when there is an earthquake.  Fortunately for me, it was the same person who first wished me a Happy Easter today.  I'm very, very happy about that, and that.

Adventures.  I want them.  I walked into the room with the Rothko's and, go ahead and laugh, it brought tears to my eyes.  It wasn't the paint or the lines or the space but the sheer opportunity to think and to dream which you know I love to do.  And to walk around that corner and have such a surprise like that was the best adventure and gift of the day. 

I want them.  More of them. More corners to walk around and more adventures to say yes to and not no to.  I want to feel things when I turn the corner and take deep breaths and shed tears and live and gasp from experiencing. 

May your week be adventure filled,
Cole

Beautiful Blogger Award.....!

I'm a bit in Mumbai Love with Dazed Diva.  International love, that is.  Event planner love, too.  We event planners stick together.  You attenders?  Stand in line.  She gave this sweet little shout

Cole over at Pre Middle Age … she’s outrageously funny; her life lessons are great; and she’s got sass ! and she’s an event planner like me :)

The rules of this award are:

Thank the person who nominated you for this award

Copy the award and place it in your blog

Link the person who nominated you for this award

Tell us 7 interesting things about you

Nominate bloggers and link to their blogs

7 Cole Facts.

1. I think naps are air.

2. I'm as difficult as I am charming.

3. Having no power steering is giving me some kick ass triceps.  You may feel for $1.00.  (All proceeds go towards the "should I get power steering fixed or another purse fund")

4. My ass will stop a car.  It's fabulous.

5. I'm terrified of success.  Oh, and terrified of failure.  And slithery snakes on animal type nature channels late at night.  I'm willing to work on the first two some more.  Not the last one at all.

6. These are the prints I'm "viewing" in my living room this month. One with attitude.  One exposed.  And one exhausted from a party.  My life summed up in print.

7. He stood in front of me the other day after lunch, opened his suit jacket, and I reached in wrapping my arms around him.  I don't know when I let go but it was the best moment of March.

Cole.  Cole.  Cole.  Enough, huh?  Here are some other bits of amazingness for you to check out when you have a moment or two or maybe even seven moments.  Seven moments would be perfect. 

Katie Markus at Behind The Brand … Such a pleasure to wind through her design blog.

Zoe Blue at Wink Wink Wink  ....Want to lose yourself in all the lovely madness that is dating?  You MUST meet Miss Zoe!  Make sure to see her "first date flowers".

Andrea Memenas at Hip Moms Who Work  ...Funny.  Sarcastic as hell.  Just brutal enough.  And based in the land of all things Orange?  My.  Kind.  Of.  Woman.

The Urban Dater  ...Ever wonder what it would be like to date a gentleman that dates well but still has some grrrr to him?  Here's your man.  If you can't date him, learn from him. 

Ryel at Ryel J Photography  ....She simply tells the prettiest, sweetest, most complete stories in her pictures and you won't want to have anyone else shoot you.  Well, shoot you.  You know what I mean.  Shoot you. 

Much love globally and locally.

Cole