Lessons in Filters

Sitting at Nordstrom Café the other day waiting for my lunch and there is a family of three waiting for their meal. It’s a mom and a grandma and a daughter and the daughter is wearing pink. Of course she is, she’s the daughter and she’s about seven and that’s what seven year old daughters and granddaughters do.

They wear pink.

I wish we could wear more pink. I’m gonna wear more pink. I’ll be the one in Irvine wearing pink this weekend.

So, Sweet Little Girl is sitting there and her grandma starts caressing her long brown locks and SLG SHOUTS out, “you could do that all day because that feels so good and I like that.”

Rare. The SLG Brain is. It says what it feels and what it doesn’t feel and what it likes and what it doesn’t like and shares and gives and shouts and wants and has pleasure and pain and just, well, experiences.

I miss The SLG Brain in all its excess and unfilteredness. I despise having to say all the proper things and the right things and the yes things and the no things and the things people want to hear instead of the things I want to tell them or the things that are deep inside my brain.

Like, “Oh, you could do that all day because that feels good and I like that.”

Or, “I need you.”

Or, “please be my friend because I think you would be a great friend and I promise not to be atrocious on Tuesdays and most Thursdays and only on Fridays.”

Sweet Little Girl Brain. Sweet most of the time. Sharp nearly all of the time. Unfiltered excessively always in the best way.

Much love,
Cole

Lessons in Compassion Over Content

I suck.  I admit it.  I'm selfish and the world is all about me when it should be all about you, and you, and sometimes, yes, you.  And today was another example of me being the me I don't want to be.

I had lunch at Lola Gaspar in Downtown Santa Ana and went back to my car to check emails and hot, dirty texts (my favorite) and was running madly through the 32 emails that came through from the moment I tasted honeycomb butter with my tortilla til opening the car door when it happened.  It.  You know?  The moment when you realize you are a selfish bastard. 

I looked over not more than ten feet away and a homeless woman was going through a trash bin looking for things that a homeless person looks for to get through their day.  That.  That moment.  That visual should have been the first thing my eyes gravitated to when I arrived at my car.

It wasn't.  That makes me Friday sad and a little pre-sad for Tuesday.  With my limited Spanish which is even rockier when I feel like an ass, I asked her if she would like a jacket as I reached into the trunk of my car. 

She held the jacket up and asked, "Is this for woman?"  I smiled, nodded and realized even when you're homeless, especially when you're homeless you need to have choices when everything else seems so out of control.

Step away from the emails and the work and the head being buried in content over compassion every once in awhile.  I'd venture to say I already had my Friday Happy Hour.

Much love this fine Friday-day,

Cole

Lessons in Art, Adventure, Earthquakes and Eggs

Brought to you by today's 6.9 earthquake which I did not feel on the 405 freeway.  Thank you, Already Fragile Road.

It is Easter Weekend and for some of you that means new dresses and lots of Honey Baked Ham and definitely family and probably family fights if not family tension.  Well, for me, it's Adventure Weekend.  Time to say yes to things and not no to things and see what the weekend holds.  And hopefully, by the end of Sunday, I'll learn a few things that will make me less annoying and a bit cooler. 


1.  An hour at a museum is a massage. 
Well, it might not be a museum that "massages" you and I'm sort of hoping it's not some lady in Garden Grove that takes her robe off before she starts the clock.  What I mean is an hour of creative time is like a massage and will do wonders for your brain and your body.  It might not have a happy ending, well not the kind you're thinking of.  Dirty Bird, You.


2. Driving to and from places is part of The Adventure. 

Remember when mom and dad, umm, when they weren't fighting about taxes or who dad talked to at THAT party or something like that, umm...okay, let's start over.  Remember when mom and dad would tell you to look out the window when you were driving to and fro on vacation and you would see that tall thing that people called ....a tree?  That is part of the adventure.  And even if you're only going from one city or county to the next, you can still look at all the signs and watch the people and slow down at the lights and maybe even pull over and take a couple pictures or write some notes about some interesting colors you see.  See?  I did that today and ran straight into The LA Public Library.  My mom and dad fell in love (and war) in a few places throughout southern california.  The LA Public Library was one and Balboa Beach was another.  And me, just driving slow enough and paying attention enough to cross the street and run into it and stop and notice a couple taking pictures in that very "in love and girl rolling her eyes at her lover" state, well, it was exactly  the way the library should be. 

3. Don't roll your damn eyes at your lover.
Just.  Don't.  You love them.  Get it?  I saw Library Girl standing in front and she looked so hip and her guy was taking her photo and you could tell he was enjoying taking it and she kept eye rolling.  One day, she's going to regret the eye rolls and long for the time when a man that loved her wanted to take her photo.  I know it's a holiday and all, but...Dumb Ass.  That's all.

4. Check your foundation every once in awhile.  Just in case.
So, yah, we had a big earthquake today and if you're not from California you probably cried and that's okay.  We won't judge you. If you're from Callifornia then you froze for a brief moment, assessed the quake and kept Facebooking.  You're cool like that.  I was in downtown la when it happened and noticed a grip of LAFD trucks all over the place and realized they were quickly doing structural checks on some of the buildings.  Sure, maybe everything was okay but still, just check.  And you?  Maybe everything in your relationships, your friendships, your work is okay, but check your foundation in each every once in awhile.  Just to be sure.  Just in case.  You're cool like that.

5. You cannot help what draws you.
Walk into a room.  Just walk. And you'll see it.  It's the one piece that stands out more than the others.  And sure, you could follow in order and go number by number or be one of those sick "tour" people that like structure and do everything by the books and how others tell you to.   You're not everyone else.  You walk into a room and you see what attracts you and you go to it instantly and there is not a thing you can do but enjoy it. 

6. Not every piece is for you. 
Take Lichtenstein for example.  He gives me seizures if I look at his work for more than 34 seconds.  I love the ideas but it's not for me.  And I'm over the idea that I have to look at every single piece and act as if it interests me beyond measure and appear ABSORBED in it.  I'm not absorbed in each piece of art just like I'm not absorbed in each story I read or design I see or song I hear.  Oh, but the ones that get me, now that's a whole different type of seizure.  My brain short circuits in the best way. 

7. The literal insults me in art and feeds me in relationships. 
I'm a little complicated.  I know.  It's been a couple weeks of figuring this out with art but I have trouble with photos that are too clear in their stories or paintings that leave too little to my imagination.  I want a chance to intrepret something for me and my story and for a painting to speak to my heart.  I'm a little selfish that way. 

Don't you dare try that with a relationship.  I need "just the facts."  If you like my ass, tell me.  If you don't, tell me that, too.  (as if......)  If I'm acting like a spoiled brat, tell me.  Be clear.  No ambiguity.  Nothing Rothko about relationships. 

A couple extra weekend lessons for your first full week of April.  Pay attention, Darlings.
1. It is not possible to ever get enough eggs for an egg hunt.  It just isn't. Embrace that.
2. Little Benjamin gave Jordan all his eggs. Jordan gave them all to Ramteen.  Love is fickle.  Age doesn't matter.
3. If you see a woman putting oil in her car or air in her tires and you have a penis, help her to avoid hell.
4. When your girlfriend tells you, with tone, over Moroccan salad that you need to support your boyfriend.  "Support your boyfriend".  And chill.  They know things, Salad Eating Know It All Girlfriends.
5. Talk to people in line.  I wouldn't say annoy them but if they engage you, then engage them.  You might meet some very interesting, giving people and organizations. Orangewood Children's Foundation 
6. There are neat little nooks if you go around the back of tourist spots.  Find them.  Walt Disney Concert Hall
7. Notice who checks on you when there is an earthquake.  Fortunately for me, it was the same person who first wished me a Happy Easter today.  I'm very, very happy about that, and that.

Adventures.  I want them.  I walked into the room with the Rothko's and, go ahead and laugh, it brought tears to my eyes.  It wasn't the paint or the lines or the space but the sheer opportunity to think and to dream which you know I love to do.  And to walk around that corner and have such a surprise like that was the best adventure and gift of the day. 

I want them.  More of them. More corners to walk around and more adventures to say yes to and not no to.  I want to feel things when I turn the corner and take deep breaths and shed tears and live and gasp from experiencing. 

May your week be adventure filled,
Cole

Lessons in Senses

Brought to you by my very tired but perfectly pedicured feet and toes.  I included the toes being that they are attached to my feet.

If you didn't know already by the endless amount of pictures I posted and the endless amount of emotion I expressed, I had a rather big event this past Saturday.  It's over.  My shoulders are returning to their normal relaxed position.  My sleep was not interrupted at five in the morning with thoughts and fears of platforms that needed adjusting and lighting cues and DJs and such.  Once the event ends there is about a week breather and then, well, it's on to the next one. 

There's always a next one and for that, I'm terribly grateful.

The event was new for me.  Sure, it had a big center bar.  My guests require that from me at gunpoint.  And it had sexy music.  This time though, we turned the lawn into a bit of a museum and a bit of performance art and all around the sensory experience was unlimited if you wanted it to be.

So was mine.  Those senses tend to get the best of me.

Lessons in Taste: It takes time to taste food.
The food was amazing and the chef cooking on site went out of his way to make sure I tried the first of everything.  And at the end of the night one of the catering staff set aside a plate for me.  My absolute favorite thing to do once an event ends is to wait for the last person to leave, walk past the wait staff having their cigarettes, take something small to eat and a diet coke and go sit in the middle of the event space and just breathe it all in.

The food tastes so much better when you have time to taste it. Even today, exhausted and barely able to get up to oversee the tent teardown this morning, I came back home to rest and went out for a very late dinner.  Asked for a table in the back and ordered pork chops and mashed potatoes and steamed spinach and took time to not answer calls, to not answer email, to not tweet but to enjoy a very good meal. 

It takes time to taste food.  And doing so in the middle of a gorgeous lit tent sitting on my white museum bench was simply lovely.  And sitting in the back of a restaurant looking back quietly on a great event is even lovelier.

Lessons in Smell: Stay in your moments.
I was going to wear my perfume but I wore his cologne.  Which might end up being mine if I decide to buy it but for now I have this small sample I got so I could smell him when I'm not with him. Groan, such a girl, I know.  And all evening I kept forgetting to reach down to my wrist to breathe him in.  I wanted to have all the important people a part of me that evening. I wore my grandfather's WWII necklace with my mother's name imprinted, my father's worn belt and that damn cologne. 

There are moments to be in rather than waiting for moments.  I should have stopped to smell his cologne.  I would have liked to have remembered that, that night.

Lessons in Hearing: Be honest about what you like to hear.

We were almost finished with set up and ready to start the event when someone went up to one of the artists and said, "You are so talented!  Do you ever get tired of people telling you that?"  She turned around, smiled and said, "No.  I was deprived of admiration as a child so I'll take all I can get."  And then she picked up her brush and kept painting. 

How honest to say 'I like when you compliment me' or 'I like admiration'.  We are so fearful of being honest about our needs for fear of judgement and to witness someone do so with such abandon was attractive.  No wonder she looks 20 years younger than she is.  Hmmmm...

Lessons in Sight: See what you see not what they see.

When MOCA opened years ago, I was very young and my mother stood me in front of Blue and asked me, "What do you see?"  I wanted to move on to the light installation because it had multiple colors and neon lighting and there were all these walls you could run through.  She asked again, "What to you see?"  At the time, I don't think I saw much more than the ocean or the sky but now, oh, now, there are so many stories I see in that same Blue.  I could stand there for hours and tell you layers and layers of what I see and I'm so glad she taught me to see what I see and not to see what she told me to see. 

While we were setting up for yesterday's event, three little girls walked by and wanted to watch the florists designing our art inspired masterpiece.  I asked them, "What do you see?"  And, then, right then it was as if I was my mom standing in MOCA next to these little girls and waiting to see what their new, young, creative, emotional, excited feminine brains would experience and any answer would be right. 

Lessons in Touch: People want to belong and to be loved.
I walked the event over and over last night and saw lots of little groups, not really cliques.  This community is very community-ish and embraces new neighbors rather well.  Still, there are the few that have that hard time moving away from clinging to the cocktail table, getting outside their comfort zone and finding new friends. 

And isn't that what we all want?  Friends.  A place to belong.  Someone to give a damn when we have a cold.  And then hopefully someone to give even more of a damn when things are really bad, like swine flu or a breakup or a breakout? 

It's frequently the case that everyone goes on to the next party and I go home alone.  It's the nature of my role.  I'm coming to accept that.  I don't accept it for the lonely guy standing in the crowd that just needs a handshake or a pat on the back or a touch on the shoulder or someone to say, "you matter."

Well, you matter.  You do. 

At the end of the night, on that museum bench, eating my end of the night plate of appetizers and looking up at my end of the night beautiful lighting that was now lit just for me and staring at those flowers and taking it all in with all of my senses, well, you know.  I cried like a damn baby.

Two of my security guys walked up and asked what was wrong since my head was hung low trying to hide a sensory overload of tears.  I wiped my face with both hands and said, "three months of planning rolling down my face and....I'm a girl."

With abandon, I say it.  Feeling free to experience my feelings I say it and enjoying the touch of the tears on my face I feel it.

Much artistic love to you this fine early Monday.
Cole

Beautiful Blogger Award.....!

I'm a bit in Mumbai Love with Dazed Diva.  International love, that is.  Event planner love, too.  We event planners stick together.  You attenders?  Stand in line.  She gave this sweet little shout

Cole over at Pre Middle Age … she’s outrageously funny; her life lessons are great; and she’s got sass ! and she’s an event planner like me :)

The rules of this award are:

Thank the person who nominated you for this award

Copy the award and place it in your blog

Link the person who nominated you for this award

Tell us 7 interesting things about you

Nominate bloggers and link to their blogs

7 Cole Facts.

1. I think naps are air.

2. I'm as difficult as I am charming.

3. Having no power steering is giving me some kick ass triceps.  You may feel for $1.00.  (All proceeds go towards the "should I get power steering fixed or another purse fund")

4. My ass will stop a car.  It's fabulous.

5. I'm terrified of success.  Oh, and terrified of failure.  And slithery snakes on animal type nature channels late at night.  I'm willing to work on the first two some more.  Not the last one at all.

6. These are the prints I'm "viewing" in my living room this month. One with attitude.  One exposed.  And one exhausted from a party.  My life summed up in print.

7. He stood in front of me the other day after lunch, opened his suit jacket, and I reached in wrapping my arms around him.  I don't know when I let go but it was the best moment of March.

Cole.  Cole.  Cole.  Enough, huh?  Here are some other bits of amazingness for you to check out when you have a moment or two or maybe even seven moments.  Seven moments would be perfect. 

Katie Markus at Behind The Brand … Such a pleasure to wind through her design blog.

Zoe Blue at Wink Wink Wink  ....Want to lose yourself in all the lovely madness that is dating?  You MUST meet Miss Zoe!  Make sure to see her "first date flowers".

Andrea Memenas at Hip Moms Who Work  ...Funny.  Sarcastic as hell.  Just brutal enough.  And based in the land of all things Orange?  My.  Kind.  Of.  Woman.

The Urban Dater  ...Ever wonder what it would be like to date a gentleman that dates well but still has some grrrr to him?  Here's your man.  If you can't date him, learn from him. 

Ryel at Ryel J Photography  ....She simply tells the prettiest, sweetest, most complete stories in her pictures and you won't want to have anyone else shoot you.  Well, shoot you.  You know what I mean.  Shoot you. 

Much love globally and locally.

Cole

Lessons Learned at The Range

This blog brought to you by the National Rifle Association. Grrr.

I was still in the office even though I’m famous for saying I’m leaving in ten minutes. Translation (I have two more meetings I forgot about or didn’t accept on my calendar and there is one more person sitting at my desk spilling their life story even though I’ve clearly done the ‘I’m standing up to leave move’ three times.) That translation. It means, I’m stuck even though the one place I want to be is with you.

Yes, you. Well, with the two of you. Meaning with Kristy and Amit. They are my engineering friends and if you didn’t know EVERYONE should have engineering friends. They are logical in ways you are not, you crazy almost psychotic artist types and the balance of having an engineer in your life will keep you out of jail.

I need to be kept out of jail. I’m running low on bail money these days.

And my engineer, ya engineer, THE engineer, Will, that is. Well, he’s engaged and that means that I need new engineers in my life. So, Amit and Kristy are not substitutes. They are the real thing. Good people. Funny. Sarcastic. Dry as hell humor which is a prerequisite for an engineer and this, a rarity, they are cool.

A cool engineer. Two cool engineers. I might as well have won the lottery. Hell, this is better than winning the lottery cause nowadays if you win the lottery your best friend kills you and buries you in cement and being buried in cement really sucks.

Completely.

So, it’s raining dogs and cats like Will says and I finish my meetings and it’s Friday night and Amit wants to go to the shooting range. The range? Shooting? I’m not sure what you call it but he wants to use a gun and point it a pretend people. Paper people. People without lower limbs. Just thinking about it I’m wondering if this is such a good idea.

Lessons Learned at The Range.

1. Funny to you isn’t funny to them.
The guy behind the counter doesn’t like terrorist jokes when you are holding a gun. He also doesn’t like those jokes when you are buying bullets. Just stay away from terrorist humor all together if you are near firearms and keep telling everyone you’re from Afghanistan, Amit from India.

2. Rules are for a reason.
I’m not big on following directions. I don’t like people telling me what to do. You know that by now. Point the gun towards the target, not towards the bench. Put the safety on; don’t point it at Amit’s ass. Blah, blah, blah.

3. Aim for the heart, not just the head.
I learned this late in the evening and really, learned it late in life. With shooting, it’s two shots to the chest (heart) and one to the head. Not so much with me. I put up my target and went straight for the poor guy’s brain and made mush out of it. I’m a damn good shot. Oh, I do that all the time. And I’m so good with the heart. And know how to make that all mush, too but I see that brain and immediately start taking shots at it. I can’t help it. The brain turns me on. And the heart, well, it scares me a little bit. No, a lotta bit. I’m a better shot at the brain and it takes more time for me to aim at the heart, I mean the chest. I’m learning though. It’s that whole following the rules thing and everything.

4. We can be strong and sensual.
We were mid shooting and my Droid rang. I have a Droid. (insert pause for jealousy and angry banter with Ipod owners over who has the best apps) So, I can’t hear a thing because of my “don’t blow out your eardrum” headphones that are not terribly cute in pictures. I take a moment in the car to listen to the message and it’s Him. You know, Him. The guy I’m dating. The one that is not an engineer but still would keep me out of jail. And he says, “Just checking on my pistol packin’ princess. Hope you’re being careful.” It was his best protective voice. He has a great protective voice. Darling women, it’s okay to shoot and to be sensual. To fight and to fear. To be both a pistol, I mean to have one, and to be a princess.

5. Are you an Uzi or a revolver in love?
Are you closing your eyes and blindly shooting to see what you hit? Little too premiddleage for that, aren’t we? Hold your revolver, take a breath, plant your feet, steady your vision and aim.

A little of the head. A lot of the heart.

Much love and ammunition,
Cole

Lessons in Mail and Me

Brought to you by the US Postal Service.

I'm not real happy with the USPS right now.  I went to check the mail last night and there was a bunch.  Remind me to check it more often than not, please?  Anyway, three pieces stood out.  I mean, they really stood out.  No, they stood OUT.

1. A rejection letter from SO and SO Literary Agency.  That's not the name of the agency, Silly.  I'm protecting the innocent so you don't go all postal.  Yes, another rejection.   From another man.  This one said, "I only do commercial fiction."  Another man telling me I'm not his type.  Fuck.

2. A Weight Watchers coupon.  Any other day I would have just thrown it in the trash but right now I'm exercising and eating better.  Okay, this weekend I didn't eat better.  Well, unless you call corn dogs better.  A Weight Watchers mass coupon is fine on any other day but it's not fine on the day I get a "you're not my type rejection letter from the SO and SO Literary Agency".  One more corndog to go, please.  With extra corndog.  And maybe a donut.  Where is that coupon in case I need it?

3. As if the rejection letter and the weight loss coupon weren't enough for a Tuesday, there was a "You're as old as dirt and need to come live in the old folks home and we're giving you a free lunch to come visit" gift card.  You know, THAT ONE? 

Too much for one day.  I loathe the United States Postal Service this week.  I might not like them very much next week.  I hold them personally responsible for the content of my mailbox.  And I expect going forward that they'll clear all angst producing mail out of said box before I arrive.

Are we clear?

Random Lessons This Week.
1. Always close the blinds before wearing your bra on top of your clothes.
I don't know that this is something I really need to explain in detail but just do it.  Close the blinds.  People walk by and they wonder what you and your girlfriends are doing and then there are all these questions and it's just easier to keep the blinds closed.

2. Girlfriends can produce belly laughter that cannot be duplicated.  Have them in your life.
We nearly wet our pants multiple times this weekend.  I almost had to pull the car over from doubling over in laughter.  You know that laugh when you can't breathe?  That's the kind of fun we had.  Sure, there were kids at Disney that had to have parent-hand-muffs placed on their ears but we had so much fun.

3. A good man makes it easier to breathe.
It's true.  I'm breathing easy right now and having the time of my life.  And no, maybe it won't be like this all the time but I'm thinking it might be like this a lot of the time.  He's a good man and communicates well and is all these amazing things and to write about him here would take too much space.  So, for now, this is all you get, the me breathing easier.

4. Even waiting in line can be fun with the right company.
Waiting in line with a man you're attracted to is the best thing.  Any chance to be near him is all you want.  Waiting in line with girlfriends is the next best thing.  There's quiet cackling and guffawing and all the sort of girlfriend things that one does when they are with girlfriends and the rules are out the window for the evening.

5. Never make your new husband wear Mickey Groom ears.  Just don't.  For many reasons, don't.  Please. 
We saw them.  We did.  She had on Minnie Mouse Bride ears and he had on Mickey Mouse Groom ears and it was the sweetest and saddest thing I had seen in the park.  Stacia and Miss Larkin looked at my face and I was frozen in disgust.  Sorry!  Displays of inappropriate affection like that gross me out.  And the Mickey Groom had braces on top of that.  Come on, now!  And they were kissing non stop.  Kiss away newlyweds but please take off the special hats. 

6. You don't always have to ask for things.  Sometimes you get something even better if you don't ask.
I wanted to ask him to stop by and kiss me before he left the city one evening recently.  I didn't.  I said goodbye and trusted I would see him soon.  And, much to my pleasure, he asked to stop by for a very proper goodnight kiss.  Sometimes if you don't ask you get these wonderful, little, sweet gifts.

7. Touch can both wound and heal the heart.
I've spent years being the recipient of, and witness of, touch wounding the heart.  Finally, finally I'm seeing and feeling what it's like for touch to heal.  It's really something when the graze of a hand on your arm or someone reaching out to guide you through a crowd can shift, well, things. 

8. Be brave, Little One and take that weight off your chest.
If you like him, tell him.  You will not break into pieces.  I promise.  Not much more to say about that.  Just be brave and say the things you want to say and know you'll be okay on the other side of your words.  They are just words made up of little tiny individual letters. 

9. Communication is key and sometimes non-communication is key.
You can learn to communicate well if you have been communicating poorly.  You can communicate less if you tend to over communicate.  You can communicate by touch if you can't communicate in words.  And you can communicate tenderly if you communicate harshly.  Nothing is permanent and today it can be different. 

10. Make their importants your importants.
What is important to the person you care about?  Make it important to you.  Not so important that it invades your boundaries but important enough that it invades your thoughts.

Oh, and definitely don't streak across the living room on Sunday morning before Sunday School.  That's just wrong in a very Old Testament way.


Much love this chilly day,
Cole