Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Lessons in Mail and Me

Brought to you by the US Postal Service.

I'm not real happy with the USPS right now.  I went to check the mail last night and there was a bunch.  Remind me to check it more often than not, please?  Anyway, three pieces stood out.  I mean, they really stood out.  No, they stood OUT.

1. A rejection letter from SO and SO Literary Agency.  That's not the name of the agency, Silly.  I'm protecting the innocent so you don't go all postal.  Yes, another rejection.   From another man.  This one said, "I only do commercial fiction."  Another man telling me I'm not his type.  Fuck.

2. A Weight Watchers coupon.  Any other day I would have just thrown it in the trash but right now I'm exercising and eating better.  Okay, this weekend I didn't eat better.  Well, unless you call corn dogs better.  A Weight Watchers mass coupon is fine on any other day but it's not fine on the day I get a "you're not my type rejection letter from the SO and SO Literary Agency".  One more corndog to go, please.  With extra corndog.  And maybe a donut.  Where is that coupon in case I need it?

3. As if the rejection letter and the weight loss coupon weren't enough for a Tuesday, there was a "You're as old as dirt and need to come live in the old folks home and we're giving you a free lunch to come visit" gift card.  You know, THAT ONE? 

Too much for one day.  I loathe the United States Postal Service this week.  I might not like them very much next week.  I hold them personally responsible for the content of my mailbox.  And I expect going forward that they'll clear all angst producing mail out of said box before I arrive.

Are we clear?

Random Lessons This Week.
1. Always close the blinds before wearing your bra on top of your clothes.
I don't know that this is something I really need to explain in detail but just do it.  Close the blinds.  People walk by and they wonder what you and your girlfriends are doing and then there are all these questions and it's just easier to keep the blinds closed.

2. Girlfriends can produce belly laughter that cannot be duplicated.  Have them in your life.
We nearly wet our pants multiple times this weekend.  I almost had to pull the car over from doubling over in laughter.  You know that laugh when you can't breathe?  That's the kind of fun we had.  Sure, there were kids at Disney that had to have parent-hand-muffs placed on their ears but we had so much fun.

3. A good man makes it easier to breathe.
It's true.  I'm breathing easy right now and having the time of my life.  And no, maybe it won't be like this all the time but I'm thinking it might be like this a lot of the time.  He's a good man and communicates well and is all these amazing things and to write about him here would take too much space.  So, for now, this is all you get, the me breathing easier.

4. Even waiting in line can be fun with the right company.
Waiting in line with a man you're attracted to is the best thing.  Any chance to be near him is all you want.  Waiting in line with girlfriends is the next best thing.  There's quiet cackling and guffawing and all the sort of girlfriend things that one does when they are with girlfriends and the rules are out the window for the evening.

5. Never make your new husband wear Mickey Groom ears.  Just don't.  For many reasons, don't.  Please. 
We saw them.  We did.  She had on Minnie Mouse Bride ears and he had on Mickey Mouse Groom ears and it was the sweetest and saddest thing I had seen in the park.  Stacia and Miss Larkin looked at my face and I was frozen in disgust.  Sorry!  Displays of inappropriate affection like that gross me out.  And the Mickey Groom had braces on top of that.  Come on, now!  And they were kissing non stop.  Kiss away newlyweds but please take off the special hats. 

6. You don't always have to ask for things.  Sometimes you get something even better if you don't ask.
I wanted to ask him to stop by and kiss me before he left the city one evening recently.  I didn't.  I said goodbye and trusted I would see him soon.  And, much to my pleasure, he asked to stop by for a very proper goodnight kiss.  Sometimes if you don't ask you get these wonderful, little, sweet gifts.

7. Touch can both wound and heal the heart.
I've spent years being the recipient of, and witness of, touch wounding the heart.  Finally, finally I'm seeing and feeling what it's like for touch to heal.  It's really something when the graze of a hand on your arm or someone reaching out to guide you through a crowd can shift, well, things. 

8. Be brave, Little One and take that weight off your chest.
If you like him, tell him.  You will not break into pieces.  I promise.  Not much more to say about that.  Just be brave and say the things you want to say and know you'll be okay on the other side of your words.  They are just words made up of little tiny individual letters. 

9. Communication is key and sometimes non-communication is key.
You can learn to communicate well if you have been communicating poorly.  You can communicate less if you tend to over communicate.  You can communicate by touch if you can't communicate in words.  And you can communicate tenderly if you communicate harshly.  Nothing is permanent and today it can be different. 

10. Make their importants your importants.
What is important to the person you care about?  Make it important to you.  Not so important that it invades your boundaries but important enough that it invades your thoughts.

Oh, and definitely don't streak across the living room on Sunday morning before Sunday School.  That's just wrong in a very Old Testament way.

Much love this chilly day,
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