Monday, January 17, 2011

shoes in my fridge.

(for all Cole's content, please follow along at now, muahh!)

I phoned Will from outside the car dealership.

Me: It’s a Sunday. Can you talk? Just for a minute.

Will: What happened?

Me: She was just sitting there with her extra large sandwich and her cigarettes and threw the car application at me. What is WRONG with people?

Will: What are you doing looking at cars? We just talked about this. Just last month we talked about how great you are doing, habibi.

And then the tears came.

Me: I went to the movies last night and saw Another Year and thought it was about an old couple in love but it was about their single lady friend who looks just wretched and wrinkled and old. And she doesn’t keep food in her fridge….JUST LIKE ME.

Will: Okay.

Me: And she didn’t have a caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar! JUST LIKE ME.

Will: Ahh.

Me: *tears and more tears and then sobs and more sobs* And I don’t want a car but I left the theatre and knew I had to fill up my fridge with food just so people would think I was normal cause doesn’t everyone have more than orange marmalade, soy, one egg and December milk in their fridge? And then I drove by all the closed dealerships looking for a car cause I need a car so people don’t think…so they don’t think…so they don’t think…

Will: So they don’t think you’re almost forty with no car and no food in your fridge, habibi?

Me: *tears*

Will: You are great. You are doing great. Remember how you told me movies aren’t real life. That real life is real life? Well, real life is real life, Nicolia. (He calls me Nicolia especially when he wants to make a financial point) Nicolia, you are the one I tell people about when I talk about someone growing up. You are paying your debt, you are living on “bread and salt”, you are being a church mouse and within a year you can go back to getting anything you want.

I almost made a 20K purchase because of a feeling I had in a movie. Wonder how often we buy on feeling. Homes, cars, clothes, electronics for you men folk. I walked away from the dealership to get sound financial advice from a friend and thankfully came to my senses. Well, then I got a grilled cheese. Cause that helps, too.

I won’t tell Will about the new navy suede pumps I bought yesterday. Or the black snake skin ones, either. They were on sale. Well, and then an extra 40% off and a coupon on top of that so practically free if you really think about it.

I might put them in my fridge.

Much love,

1 comment:

  1. We make so many purchases because of fear and anxiety over two key areas of our lives that are very important to us. The fear of not measuring up or fitting in and anxiety over a perceived lack of progress. In the cace of a lack of progress we will make purchases that would indicate progress or purchases as a reward for effort even when the reward is not really warranted. We will either go into debt or rob Peter to pay Paul to do this. Either way it is false progress and we will feel the cost of it eventually.

    As for not fitting in or measuring up the subject of heuristics clearly explains that we look for social cues to indicate, as advertised, norms of social expectancy. In real life though none of us measure up. The truth is that when you look into the eyes of those around you you can see the fear and anxiety that all of us are too afraid to talk about or ask about. We are not. "Doing great. Thanks for asking". We have become driven by the fear that we are not enough. Not wealthy..., attractive...., funny..., accomplished..., smart..., liked..., normal enough to be excepted by others just the way we are. And it is costing us dearly. Socially and economically.


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